It's always strange to notice that not much changes even after three months of being away. Issues remain the same. Can one fellowship/ church find a new space to do their mission? If not what happens next? Another on the surface has had offers to take on responsibilities for day to day running in the life of their church. But is that addressing the need to discern a sense of mission? Really it means just keeping going as they are. It all feels like going around in circles and not very life giving.......
So in for my test . The stroke nurse was excellent in explaining the procedure and the outcome which was I neither have a hole in the heart of a shunt so another test ticked off and one to go.
Has to be said afresh we are really fortunate to have the health service we do. It really needs protecting as a national health service free at the point of delivery.
Then a couple weeks later I saw the consultant who confirmed the results with just one test to go if I want it. She noticed I had lost weight looked well and my cholesterol had come down by diet and exercise. Yes I had come off the statins. So it it appears its up to me take a different one of not. It reduces the risk of another TIA by 40% but I am taking a blood thinner so reducing risk anyway . The jury is out for me and I am in no rush to take another tablet.
Now no one wants to experience a TIA or have more, and how thankful I am I did not experience a full blown stroke. I have sadly in the course of my ministry visited many people who have. Some have recovered well and many have not. It really can be a cruel cutting short of peoples quality of life.
However the TIA has made me stop and take stock of life. Yes I really do want to live for a good number of years yet and to do so healthfully. So I have reappraised my lifestyle. So many times I have sought to control the workload but always it encroaches. Days off never happening even though I fully thought I would swap the day because a need meant I lost it. Then I had tried to work only two sections of a day but again the need to put some meeting in the diary drove that one away. Even doing exercise and going to a gym became a need to rush there and away for a meeting etc so what benefit it may have given was lost. Then again what have all the meetings I have attended and even led been really about? The sustaining of a way of doing church that no longer works, as well as a cycle of meetings that never actually arrive at decisions. The latter out of fear of doing things differently. You can always tell this because people always say we are working towards doing it differently. I say the way you travel is the destination as well. No I didn't say that someone else did, but I can't remember who, it was so long ago I read that. I do however think its true.
Now I have an inner voice that insists I take control of the diary. Morning and afternoon commitments then its an evening blocked. Morning and evening out then its afternoon off. Well, if as ministers do work six days, then it is the only real way to stay healthy. In going to the gym putting aside time not to rush means it becomes a positive experience. What I have discovered is I am beginning to reconnect with people because I have time. Deliberately I chose not to have the car so I now walk more and reconnect not just with people but the environment I work and live within. Moving at a slower pace I suspect is to move at God's pace. The God who has time for all people, and never overlooks the most vulnerable, who we often miss in our rushing around. Having made more time to bread make, bake and cook is in fact about slowing down and connecting with the earth and with God. A microwave or ready cooked meal never does connect you with the creation that provides all our needs. So a partly frustrating day this week and beginning to feel annoyed, was calmed by baking some mini biscuits for our amazing neighbours who keep bringing us food.
.......So perhaps one more medical test and I will be liberated from the hospital books. I pray however I will never be stupid enough again to think I can go on working seven days a week, three sessions a day and still be healthy. So thank God for a TIA and that by the Grace of God I am both alive and healthy.
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